Dumbass of the Week

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My beauty sleep is disturbed every weekday morning by Mr. Blue Collar turning on the t.v.. He has the courtesy to put on the “news” show I hate the least, because he looooves me.

Anyhow, while I groggily waited for the weather forecast, they reported on this very important piece of history-changing news: some woman on some mom forum was getting shit for posting some ridiculous boojie ridiculousness. Normally I ignore things I hear on regular network news because 1- it’s usually bullshit and 2- I don’t give a rat’s ass. But, being the glutton for punishment that I am, I googled the following, “Manhattan parents ‘scraping by’ on $400,000 household incomes.” Yup, you read that right. I know, I was hoping it was satire, too. I found the original posting on UrbanBaby. Hang on to your Kmart hats, boys & girls. It’s about to get dumb up in this piece.

I earn 200k and my DH [dear husband] earns 200k. Total HHI [household income] is 400k. We have 2 children. We could afford to send them to private school, but we would have to scrape and forego a lot (especially since our HHI is only 350k after nanny) and we would not qualify for financial aid. However, if I quit my job and became a SAHM [stay at home mom] we would have a HHI of 200k, which would put us in the realm of financial aid (AND we could save the 50k+ cost of having a nanny). I am not going to quit my job to orchestrate this, but I resent the fact that private tuition is so high, in part because the people who pay are financing the tuition of the people who don’t pay (including families with 200k HHI and SAHMs). This is all just so screwed up.

Don’t you dare play sad violin music while reading that! You might cry your eyes out all day long, lamenting over the fact that there’s nothing you can do to help these poor, poor souls. So what if you haven’t shopped at a store that isn’t secondhand in years? Nevermind that you’d have to save up for months for a family weekend getaway, praying no one gets sick beforehand because if they do, you’ll have to use that money to pay for healthcare. Doesn’t matter! Cancel xmas, birthdays, and EVERYTHING so we can send all the money to this family. They are CLEARLY the neediest of the needy!

I bet you think the dumbass is the person who posted that beautifully heart-wrenching rant, but it isn’t. No, the DotW in this case is the forum, UrbanBaby. I don’t like mom forums in general. They seem to be nothing more than a place for moms to judge the shit out of each other to make themselves feel better (says the mom who is totally judging the shit out of the person who posted on the mom forum). This particular forum, however, seems to be nothing more than upper middle class people complaining that their privileged lives aren’t privileged enough. Scrolling through the site, I swear I’ve never felt better about being broke. The only good thing about reading this caca is watching the boojies turn on each other. People who make $200k a year with a stay at home parent are considered leeches! I love it!

I could go on and on about how these fucktards are too busy keeping up with the Joneses to notice how comfortable their lives could be if they stopped being dumbasses. OR pointing out the fact that there’s a high probability that whatever work she & her dumbass husband do isn’t work $200k apiece. OR that she’s probably lying about paying her nanny (fucking NANNY!!!) $50k a year. But I won’t. I’ll just say this: if your household income is $400k a year and you can’t figure out how to make shit work, you need to take a remedial class in how to make & stick to a household budget. Because us poor uneducated leeches not only know how to do it, we’re fucking great at it. Maybe your nanny can teach you all about it. After all, she manages to scrape by on the “$50k” you pay her.

Hmm, I just noticed that UrbanBaby is owned by CBS. I wonder if that explains anything…. Nah, i’m sure it’s just a coincidence…

(this post is dedicated to my brother from another mother, Manny Jalonschi. I know nothing makes you happier than ripping on the boojie mofos. Happy birthday!)

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