Confession of an Average Woman

August 2, 2012

Writing this blog is sometimes a  struggle for me. Not because it’s difficult to write, but because I’m always questioning how much of my real self I should share. How personal is too personal? There are times that I have to put those questions aside and say whatever it is I have to say. Reading about the bs going on in S. Dakota has made this one of those times.

A federal appeals court on Tuesday (July 24) upheld a South Dakota law requiring doctors to advise women seeking abortions that they face an increased risk of suicide after the procedure.

I could go on and on about how flat out inaccurate this is, but I won’t. Instead, I’ll take the risk, stand up, and tell my truth.

I’ve had a abortion. And I don’t regret it.

I know. We’re not supposed to talk about these things. We’re supposed to keep them private, whisper about them to our closest circle of friends and quietly watch as more and more women are denied their right to decide their own futures. But how can I sit silently by when I know there are women out there who, after having an abortion, are NOT crying in a corner filled with regret? They’re feeling terrible because the only thing they’re feeling isn’t what society has told them to feel. It’s not guilt or shame they’re feeling. It’s relief.

Lil Blue was about 3 or 4. Mr. Blue Collar and I had just started getting our lives on track, tentatively planning our future. We had an “oops” and I got pregnant. We talked about it and decided terminating the pregnancy was the best decision, not only for us but for Lil Blue, too.

I went to Planned Parenthood. They were great. They were very informative and respectful. They didn’t treat me like an idiot or a “slut”, they treated my like a human being. I chose to be awake for the procedure. The doctor told me exactly what he was doing and what to expect. After a few minutes it was over. After some recovery time, antibiotics and a Plan B prescription, I was able to go home.

All I felt afterwards was relief. I’ve never thought about the “what ifs” because having another child was never an option for me. The “what ifs” would always end badly for me, Mr. Blue Collar, and most importantly for Lil Blue and his would-be sibling.

Here’s the part where i’m supposed to say this was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make. But I’ve promised you that I’d always try my best to be honest with you. It wasn’t. Having a child is the hardest decision I’ve ever made. Carrying a child to term after being sick every single day, going through labor, having an infant, realizing i’m responsible for helping him become a decent, happy human being…that‘s the hard decision. Choosing the number of children I’m going to have seems insignificant when compaired to that.

I am aware that that sounds very callous. Believe me, it wasn’t an easy decision. But it wasn’t the hardest. I’m not writing about this to make light of abortion, or to make it seem like I don’t care. I just want other women out there to know that it’s ok. If you’re feeling relieved after your abortion, that’s ok. If you’re not, that’s ok, too. Either way, the important thing, imo, is that we TALK about this. Lets show our daughters, neices, granddaughters that there’s no shame in our game! Getting an abortion doesn’t make you a slut. Not feeling guilt-ridden afterwards is normal. It’s ok to stand by your choice.

I’m Blue Collar Mamma, I’ve had an abortion, and I’m not ashamed.