Happy Secular Thanksgiving!

November 25, 2010

I don’t have a lot of time to write today. Gotta get my bake on! I just wanted to take a minute and say that secular people are thankful, too. To my family and friends who I know in real life, I want to say that I adore you. You all are amazing, awe-inspiring people. Being around you inspires me to be a better, smarter, kinder person. Every day I think about how very lucky I am that such wonderful people actually want to know me. Thank you all for being you.

To you guys who read this lil blog of mine but I’ve not yet had the pleasure of meeting in person, I really can’t thank you enough. Sometimes I get down on myself and think about just giving up on this thing. Then, one of you will leave a comment, or “like” what I’ve written and I think maybe I can keep doing this for a while. You all make me feel like I’m part of something bigger than myself. Thank you for being awesome.

I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving, my lovelies.

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Potential Kitchen Disaster of the Day

November 23, 2010

HOLY EAT TIL YOU BURST, BATMAN! IT’S ANOTHER PKD! It’s been too long since my last PKD. But I’ve been busy doing very important things. Finally, I’ve decided you’re all worthy of a new recipe or two. You should feel special. My recipes are like manna from heaven(no they’re not).

This year our little Blue Collar tribe is going to someone’s house for the Autumn Holiday(a.k.a Thanksgiving. This is awesome on many levels. Mostly because it means less cleaning for me, but also because it’s nice to spend time with old friends and make new ones. And we get to make a pass-around dish or 2(or 3). So, I thought I’d let you in on what I’m thinking about making for Thursday.

I love making dessert for a pass-around dish. They’re easy and delicious (JUST LIKE YOUR MOM). One of my ideas for this Thursday is Chocolate Sweetie Pie:

Ingredients:

2 bars (about 3 1/2 oz each) extra-dark chocolate (65% cacao), broken up
2 tubs (8 oz each) mascarpone (soft Italian cheese), at room temperature
One 6-oz ready-to-fill Oreo pie crust (reserve plastic lid)

Garnish: whipped cream and colored sprinkles (optional)

Directions:

1. Microwave chocolate in a small bowl on high, stirring every 10 to 15 seconds, until melted and smooth.

2. Put mascarpone into a large bowl; stir in chocolate until no white streaks remain. Spoon into pie crust; spread evenly. Refrigerate at least 1 hour or until firm, or cover with lid and refrigerate overnight.

3. If refrigerated overnight, let stand at room temperature 30 minutes before serving so that it softens slightly. Garnish with whipped cream and sprinkles, if desired.

How simple and yummy does that sound? You don’t have to use a pre-made Oreo crust if you don’t want to. Feel free to make your own. Also, I’m going to use semi-sweet chocolate instead of extra dark chocolate because I want the kiddies to like it. I’ve never used mascarpone, so it should be interesting.

If you want to make something just as yummy but with more work involved, try this recipe for Chocolate Chunk Oatmeal Cookies with Walnuts and Dried Cranberries(I got this recipe from Cook’s Illustrated Magazine):

Ingredients:

1 1/4 cups unbleached all-purpose flour (6 1/4 ounces)
3/4 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon table salt
1 1/4 cups rolled oats , old-fashioned, (3 1/2 ounces)
1 cup toasted walnuts (4 ounces), chopped
1 cup dried cranberries (5 ounces), chopped coarse
4 ounces bittersweet chocolate , chopped into chunks about size of chocolate chips (about 3/4 cup)
12 tablespoons unsalted butter (1 1/2 sticks), softened but still cool
1 1/2 cups packed brown sugar (10 1/2 ounces), preferably dark
1 large egg
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Directions:

1. Adjust oven racks to upper- and lower-middle positions; heat oven to 350 degrees. Line 2 large (18 by 12-inch) baking sheets with parchment paper.

2. Whisk flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt in medium bowl. In second medium bowl, stir together oats, walnuts, cranberries, and chocolate.

3. In standing mixer fitted with flat beater, beat butter and sugar at medium speed until no sugar lumps remain, about 1 minute. Scrape down sides of bowl with rubber spatula; add egg and vanilla and beat on medium-low speed until fully incorporated, about 30 seconds. Scrape down bowl; with mixer running at low speed, add flour mixture; mix until just combined, about 30 seconds. With mixer still running on low, gradually add oat/nut mixture; mix until just incorporated. Give dough final stir with rubber spatula to ensure that no flour pockets remain and ingredients are evenly distributed.

4. Divide dough evenly into 16 portions, each about 1/4 cup, then roll between palms into balls about 2 inches in diameter; stagger 8 balls on each baking sheet, spacing them about 2 1/2 inches apart. Using hands, gently press each dough ball to 1 inch thickness. Bake both baking sheets 12 minutes, rotate them front to back and top to bottom, then continue to bake until cookies are medium brown and edges have begun to set but centers are still soft (cookies will seem underdone and will appear raw, wet, and shiny in cracks), 8 to 10 minutes longer. Do not overbake.

5. Cool cookies on baking sheets on wire rack 5 minutes; using wide metal spatula, transfer cookies to wire rack and cool to room temperature.

I know that seems like a lot of hard work. I’ve had these cookies before and they are worth it. If you don’t have a stand mixer you can use a hand mixer. It’ll just take longer and you’ll have to be more thorough in making sure there are no flour pockets that don’t incorporate into the dough. If you don’t have either a hand or stand mixer, FUCK YOU, make the first recipe.

OK, so maybe you don’t want to bring a dessert(commie!). Maybe you want to bring something on the savory side. Something “Thanksgiving-y” but without the hassle of a giant side dish. Try this Cranberry and Tomato Chutney:

Ingredient:

5 cups fresh or frozen cranberries
1 can(28 oz) crushed tomatoes
1 cup golden raisins
¾ cup sugar
1 teaspoon salt
¾ teaspoon ground ginger

Directions:

In a large saucepan, combine all ingredients. Bring to boil. Reduce heat; cover and simmer for 20 – 25 minutes or until cranberries and raisins are tender, stirring occasionally. Cool. Cover and refrigerate for at 2 days before serving.

Nice, simple, yummy. You could add a pinch of red pepper flakes if you wanted it to have a little kick.

If you want to bring something a little more substantial, there’s my recipe for shrimp ceviche or this recipe for warm bacon potato salad. You can’t go wrong with either. Well, you could but I can’t be held responsible for your ineptitude.

I think that’s a nice little list of possibilities for Thursday. I hope this helped any of you who were wondering what you should make(I really don’t give a shit). If you try any of these, let me know how it turned out.

I hope you all have a delicious, fun, inebriated, and safe holiday.

Enjoy, biznotchezzzzzzzzzzz!



Existential Question of the Day

November 19, 2010

I spend a good portion of my day thinking about random shit. More specifically, things that only have a general or vague connection to my everyday problems. Since I have nothing better to write about, I thought I’d post the question and see what happens.

Is it OK to know your weaknesses and avoid them? Or, do you ALWAYS have to try to ‘overcome’?

I know the ideal answer is to always try to overcome. I don’t exactly have an ‘ideal’ kind of lifestyle over here, so that’s not what I’m thinking about. I’m wondering if it’s OK to not try. Does that make sense?


Thanks, Mr. Weird Guy!

November 17, 2010

This morning I walked Lil Blue and his best friend to school. It was a nice morning. Warm for this time of year, sunny, a bit windy. The main street was especially noisy today so I decided to take a detour home. I have a lot of things on my mind right now and I knew I could use the quiet walk to think and maybe work some stuff out.

So, there I was, lost in thought and just across the street from my house when someone mumbled something at me. Now, I’m not really a morning person. Normally I’d just pretend like I don’t speak English and walk away. But I was so caught up in what I was thinking that I didn’t do that. Here is the short conversation that transpired:

I should make it clear at this point that Mr. Weird Guy was not using a conversational tone. It was slightly agitated and a bit confrontational. Also, I live pretty close to this lovely establishment. I’ve seen Mr. WG around and am pretty sure he’s an addict.

MR. WG: (mumbles)
BCM: Sorry?
MR. WG: Nothin’ to be sorry about. Why you sorry that somebody said ‘good morning’ to you?
BCM: Oh, did you? I said sorry because I didn’t hear what you said. Good morning. (starts walking away)
MR. WG: What are you gonna do that’s great today?
BCM: (thinks for  few seconds)…Breathe.
MR. WG: Breathe? Breathe?! What’s so great about that? 7 billion people in this world breathe all the time. What are you gonna do today that’s great? That’s special and exceptional?
BCM: … I don’t have an answer for that. Have a great day.
MR. WG: (shouting at BCM’S back) You think about it and write it down! I’ll meet you back here tomorrow and you can tell me the great thing you did!

By the time I reached my stoop, I was nearly in tears. Not because I was scared. I’ve lived in this neighborhood all my life and know how to deal with random junkies. Hell, I know half of them. No, I was nearly in tears mostly because he had a good point. What am I going to do today that’s going to be great?

I nearly had an existential break-down all because I didn’t ignore the guy collecting cans out of the trash can on the corner. The beauty in that is enough to make me a little teary eyed as I write this.

I wonder what would happen if I pretended I didn’t speak English a little less often…

 


Mini Post

November 12, 2010

I think this tiny little blog of mine has a theme song 🙂

I don’t mind failing in this world,
I don’t mind failing in this world,
Don’t mind wearing the ragged britches
‘Cause those who succeed are the sons of bitches,
I don’t mind failing in this world.

I don’t mind failing in this world,
I don’t mind failing in this world,
I’ll stay down with the raggedy crew,
‘Cause getting up there means stepping on you, so
I don’t mind failing in this world.

I don’t mind failing in this world,
I don’t mind failing in this world,
Somebody else’s definition
Isn’t going to measure my soul’s condition,
I don’t mind failing in this world.

I don’t mind failing in this world,
I don’t mind failing in this world,
Never mind the custom suits,
The gentle hearts wear the dusty boots, so
I don’t mind failing in this world.

I don’t mind failing in this world,
I don’t mind failing in this world,
Some people ride in a car so fine
While others walk on a picket line, so
I don’t mind failing in this world.

I don’t mind failing in this world,
I don’t mind failing in this world,
Don’t mind wearing the ragged britches
‘Cause those who succeed are the sons of bitches,
I don’t mind failing in this world.


Secular Whatever-the-F***-Day-it-is Silliness

November 12, 2010

SCREW YOU, SNUGGIE! YOU’RE DEAD TO ME!

That’s right, biznotchezz. It’s the Phrobi! No more putting your bare ass on the furniture where your loved ones also sit. No more showing a half goatse(google at your own risk) to your neighbors when getting the paper in the morning. Now you can walk around safe in the knowledge that though you still look like an asshole, you’re not showing yours off anymore(at least not for free. That’s right, I know how you roll).

The best part of the Phrobi is the hood. Not only can you wear this around the house, on camping trips and to the grocery store, you can also wear it to your super secret Illuminati meetings and/or Pagan rituals. That’s right, it’s a multi-tasker! It comes in Blood Ritual Red, I Love Bingo Blue, and Teddy Bear Brown for all you furries out there. And you can pack it in the handy SACK-PACK you get absolutely free! Because you never know when you’ll need to pack a SACK and go!

You get all this for the low low price of $34.95 + $10 shipping. For $45, you can look like a total jerk-off(my favorite is the 9th pic)! 😀

But, BCM, can’t I just get a regular bathrobe for $20? Or, can’t I use the bathrobe my got me for Xmas? NO! Phrobi has pockets, a hood, and buttons at the shoulder! Clearly, it is superior to your smelly old robe!*

The only down side to this product is the sizing. If these people want to make money, they need to know who they’re selling to. Small – Extra Large just ain’t gonna cut it in the American market!

 

*When I googled ‘smelly old robe’ this is the picture that came up.


Blue Collar Mamma’s Blog: Supplemental

November 6, 2010

ZOMG!

The splendiferous, magnificent, marvelous, most awesome, mighty mighty Reverend Manny’s book is on sale here, biznotchezz! Go buy that shit RIGHT. THE FUCK. NOW! You should also read his blog.

Why should you support the mighty Rev? Because I said so, that’s why! Also, because The Rev knows why your liberal heart is bleeding. He knows you need to stop crying like a little bitch with a skinned knee and get up and do something about what’s going on around you. But

You can just read all the awesome reviews (and this article about him  in the NY DAILY FUCKING NEWS!), then decide whether or not you wanna get your head out of your ass and order yourself a copy.