Have you missed me, my lovelies? Well, screw you, I didn’t miss you either! I’m sorry for the absence (no I’m not) but I needed to unplug for a few days. While I was unplugged, I found the perfect candidate for Dumbass of the Week. I promise you, this moron is chock full of dumbass!
This sexy mofo right here is the teabagging homophobic racists’ GOP’s gubernatorial candidate for New York State, Carl Paladino(WARNING: have barf bag handy). I have to say that if I saw this dude sitting on a bench in the playground I’d make sure to tell my kid to stay away from him. He has a creepy, vaguely evil look to him…
But, as they say, you can’t judge a book by its cover. We should judge him based on the things he says, his actions, and the platform he’s running on, right? So let’s do this.
The first thing I ever heard about Paladumdum was his brilliant idea to turn prison space into “Dignity Corps” dorms for recipients of public assistance.
“Instead of handing out the welfare checks, we’ll teach people how to earn their check. We’ll teach them personal hygiene … the personal things they don’t get when they come from dysfunctional homes,” Paladino said.
Classy, huh? Because the real problem with people on welfare is that they don’t know how to bathe. Not the fact that they’ve been living in a system that has continuously kept them dependent on social programs for generations because the moneyed elite doesn’t want them to succeed. If there were no more people on welfare, who would the oblivious middle-class racists hate then?(Oh, just FYI, he has no idea how he’s going to pay for this revamp)
I bet he read Oliver Twist and thought those workhouses were the best thing ever.
After reading that article , I began hearing other disturbing things about Paladouchebag. Like the fact that he had a daughter with a woman who is not his wife…while he was married. Normally, I wouldn’t give a shit about that. Things happen, ya know? Instead of taking the heat for it, he whined about how nobody was paying attention to the fact that his opponent, Andrew Cuomo, had allegedly cheated on his wife as well… JERRY! JERRY! Seriously, Carl? That’s the kind of shit my kid tries to pull on me. That whole “well, did this bad thing, too!” You know what I tell him? Just because someone else does something inappropriate doesn’t mean you should, too. My kid is 9 and he’s starting to understand what I mean by that. Paladino is in his 60s. What’s his excuse? Oh, and he didn’t tell his wife about his wonderful blessing of a daughter until about a year ago. The kid is 10 now. Nice.
I bet you’re asking yourselves why I care about Paladeadbeat having an affair. This is why:
“I just think my children and your children would be much better off and much more successful getting married and raising a family, and I don’t want them brainwashed into thinking that homosexuality is an equally valid and successful option — it isn’t,”
He said he was appalled by having seen Toronto gay pride parade marchers wearing “little Speedos and they grind against each other.”
He hammered Cuomo for bringing his teenage daughters to a gay pride parade earlier this year.
“Any father who would take his children to such things is not really thinking of the fatherly perspective and is more interested in politics.”
How the hell is he gonna tell anybody what a “valid and successful” option is? He’s a fucking philanderer! Not to mention his penchant for racist and sexually offensive emails. How can he dare try to dictate what is moral? And then, to question Cuomo’s parenting skills? What do you think is more damaging – Cuomo teaching his daughters that it’s ok to support the LGBT community, or Paladino fucking around on his wife, having a child out-of-wedlock, and then hiding it for 9 years. And and AND, the oldest Paladino son knew about it! Imagine living with that secret for 9 years! But Cuomo’s the bad dad, right?
I’m of the opinion that if a person wants to talk smack about morality, they should lead a moral life, as well as an ethical one:
A Daily News probe found Paladino’s companies netted $3 million in tax breaks through a program called the Empire Zones – while producing a grand total of 25 new jobs.
To justify tax breaks in one instance, he sold a dozen vacant lots he owned to himself and claimed hundreds of thousands of dollars in “real property investments.” Seven years later, these “investments” remain what they were – vacant lots.
His Empire Zone investments consisted mostly of renovating his own buildings – $19 million worth. He completed no new construction and brought no new businesses in any of his Empire Zone projects.
Carl Paladino sells himself as an Albany outsider who is going to shake things up, cut taxes, cut spending, and cut programs. In reality, he’s a millionaire who has already cheated the taxpayers out of millions of dollars. By his own admission he plans to cut wages, raise the retirement age requirement, and cut essential social programs(read it for yourself @ around the 16th paragraph). He’s anti-choice, anti-poor people, anti-civil rights for ALL Americans, anti-keeping his dick in his pants.
What a fucking Dumbass. Really. Where are all these gay people trying to brainwash me and my kid? Find me one. I’ll wait… yeah, that’s what I thought. And I especially like that the one thing he remembers from the one gay pride parade he happened to stumble upon was two dudes in speedos grinding on each other. I fully expect news of Paladino’s gay sex scandal involving a poor black male escort named Ramon and a speedo fetish to break any day now.