October 29, 2010

As I’ve mentioned before, I have a fraternal twin sister who we call Sister Blue. Well, today is our birthday.

NOTE: Sister Blue is way prettier than I (or ‘than me‘ for you prepositionists out there)

Most people I know don’t like their birthday. I am not one of those people. There are 2 reasons for this. One is I love being alive. The idea that we humans are the only life forms in our solar system, that we know of, that can observe and document what’s going on around us amazes me. Closer to home though, I love my family, I love my friends, and I love my life. Yes, sometimes I get a little down. Who doesn’t? I’ll take the good with the bad and be happy for the journey itself, the destination doesn’t matter as much to me.

The other reason I like my birthday is I get to share it with the most wonderful sister. I was born 4 minutes ahead of SB. She claims I pushed her out of the way so I could be first. Me? NEVER >:) Growing up we didn’t fight very often, but when we did it was crazy. We tell each other pretty much everything. When we were kids I can’t remember ever having that lonely feeling. I always had someone there for me, someone who had my back. When one of us is in pain, the other one cries. Sometimes, one of will get this strong urge to call the other. It usually turns out that one of us is going through something and needs the emotion support of the other. She is the most gullible person I have ever met. I once convinced her that if she was mean to her dolls, they would come alive and get her in her sleep. We’re both silly and love to laugh. When we get together, there’s usually a lot of laughing til you cry, nearly pissing your pants type of shit going on.

Sister Blue lives in Florida now and we weren’t able to see each other this year for our birthday. I can’t tell you how painful it is not to be with her. I miss all of my family members very, very much. But with Sister Blue it’s like an ache in my chest, like a physical need to see her.

So, if you’re reading this, I love you and miss you. You are wonderful, beautiful and a pain in my ass. I hope your day is filled with as much fun, laughter, and love as possible even though we’re far apart. See you in February, betch!

P.S.-(inside joke) Get out of Harvey’s way!




And He Continues With the Classiness!

October 27, 2010

Yesterday I told you about the classy mofo who decided the best way to restrain someone half his size was by stomping on ’em. Well now we know who Mr. Wonderful is! His name is Tim Profitt and he was a volunteer with Ayn Rand Paul’s campaign. And, in true Tealiban form, he issued his very own nonpology regarding his fucktardery:

I’m sorry that it came to that, and I apologize if it appeared overly forceful, but I was concerned about Rand’s safety

He’s sorry if YOU think he was being to forceful. Then he tries to blame the police:

“A friend of mine went up to three policeman before Rand got there, and told them about the girl who was standing there with that wig on and that she was getting ready to do something,” Profitt said. “The policemen looked at him and said that’s not our job.”

For a bunch of people who claim to support the Constitution, the Teabaggers have a real funny way of showing it. The woman who was assaulted, Lauren Valle, had every right to protest Mr. Paul and his party outside of that debate that night. She wasn’t doing anything wrong. And I’ll say it again, what kind libertarian complains about not enough of a police presence? MAKE UP YOUR DAMN MINDS!

But wait! There’s more! He then goes on to give an interview that is just so chock full of wtf that I had to interrupt my busy day (that involved doing laundry and reading) to share it with you. You’re welcome!

When we spoke to Profitt, he asked that his face not appear on camera, but he wanted to defend himself. “She’s a professional at what she does,” Profitt said, referring to the MoveOn.org activist, “and I think when all the facts come out, I think people will see that she was the one that initiated the whole thing.”

She initiated the whole thing by, you know, standing there with that wig on!!

Profitt claims he believed Paul was in danger from the woman and that he acted to protect the candidate, but the campaign has condemned Profitt’s actions. “I put my foot on her, and I did push her down at the very end, and I told her to stay down,” Proffitt said, “I actually put my foot on her to… I couldn’t bend over because I have issues with my back.”

Ahh, I see. He couldn’t bend over and restrain her so he decided to fucking stomp on her instead. You know, because of his back issues. You understand now, right?

“I don’t think it’s that big of a deal,” Profitt said.

Right. Now ask him if he’d still think it was ‘no big deal’ if some dude did that shit to his daughter.

And when asked if he would apologize to Valle. “I would like for her to apologize to me to be honest with you,” Profitt said.

She TOTALLY should! I mean, her body was BLOCKING his access to the ground! She contaminated the bottom of his shoe with her liberal flesh. HOW DARE SHE interfere with his CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT to pursue happiness by stomping! It’s all Barack HUSSEIN Obama’s fault!

I think she should apologize to all of us for wearing that ridiculous wig. Other than that, I hope she presses charges. I also hope she takes him to civil court. Seriously, bullies should have to pay for their disgusting behavior. I applaud Ms. Valle for having the cojones to stand up for what’s right.

Another thing. I don’t know how things are done in Kentucky, but I humbly ask Mr. Profitt to come on over to Brooklyn and try to pull some shit like that. I can guarantee the outcome would be MUCH different…

Way to Stay Classy, Teabaggers!

October 26, 2010

I’m sure it’s old news to some of you by now, but just in case there are 3 people on the planet who haven’t heard about it…

That’s right, boys and girls! Those are Ayn Rand Paul supporters tackling and stomping on a woman outside of KET studios in Lexington, Kentucky. Why? Because she disagreed with them. The woman they attacked is Lauren Valle and she is a member of MoveOn.org

With 5 million members across America — from carpenters to stay-at-home moms to business leaders – we work together to realize the progressive promise of our country. MoveOn is a service — a way for busy but concerned citizens to find their political voice in a system dominated by big money and big media.

I can see why the teabaggers hate them so much. So, Lauren (wearing a blonde wig) goes to give Paul a fake “employee of the month” award to symbolize how he and the members of his party are nothing more than puppets for corporate America. As far I know, she wasn’t violent. So, naturally, they stomped on her. One of the dudes assaulting her in the video is wearing a “Don’t Tread On Me” button. Nice.

And here is what Ayn Rand Paul had to say about the “unusual situation”:

Like I said, nice. “There was a crowd control issue..” YOU’RE A FUCKING LIBERTARIAN!! Way to save the condemnation of violence til the end of your little speech there, Ayn Jr. Seriously, America, are these the kind of people you want running the show? And was it just me, or was there a little smirk playing around on Ayn Jr’s face?

Look, I don’t care who you support or what those against your position say. She could have went up to that dude and call his mother a cock sucking whore and it STILL would not justify that kind of violent behavior. I hope that dude gets arrested and made an example of.

Even the tacky blonde wig doesn’t justify what those ‘people’ did to Lauren. I say we kick them out of the human race. Whattya say?

If you want to read more, HuffPo has been updating this story regularly.

Can we try, just try, to be decent to each other? I mean, goddamn!

I Wish I Had Balls

October 19, 2010

Not actual testicles. I mean cojones. I mean a fundamental need to stand up for what I think is right and just.

I am a coward. I am the scum of the Earth.

I look at my American ancestors and I am ashamed. I learn about my working class history and am disgusted with myself. Where is the fire in my belly? How do I motivate my soul? When will I say “enough is enough” and put myself on the line for what I believe?

And I sit and write this blog that is an infinitesimal speck that doesn’t really mean anything except to me. And I use it to justify my inactivity.

I am worse than the scum of the Earth. At least scum has a purpose.

That Ain’t Cute. Stop It.

October 15, 2010

I was on Reddit, avoiding the dishes that have piled up since last night, when I clicked on this list:

The 13 Sexiest Psycho Girlfriends in Internet History

At first I thought most of the videos were just plain old dumb. Then I watched this one.

So, this bitch is mad because her fiancée went off to Vegas and hasn’t even bought her an engagement ring yet. THE NERVE! (in case you couldn’t tell, that was sarcasm) To get even, she decides to destroy his favorite Star Wars figure. It’s a figure of a Storm Trooper riding a speeder bike from Return of the Jedi. And she doesn’t destroy it in a fit of rage or in the heat of the moment. No no. She’s cool, calm, and collected. She and her friends have a few drinks and plan it out. WTFUCKINGF?!

First of all, that shit is ILLEGAL. I hope he sued the hell out of her stupid ass. I don’t care how many times you’ve seen “Waiting to Exhale”, that ain’t cute! This doesn’t make you a “strong, empowered woman”. It makes you a crazy.

Secondly, it’s pretty obvious that he’s been collecting these figures for a long time. He has them in an enclosed, illuminated case. So, it’s not like his feelings about Star Wars are a new issue in their relationship. And pretty much every dude I have ever met, EVER, has had a thing for Metal Bikini Leia at one point or another in his life. It’s perfectly normal and natural, so she needs to stop trying to make it seem like it’s sick. It’s not. You know what is though? Her and her friends destroying private property.

Not for nothing, but if the dude not having a ring then and there when he proposed was such a deal breaker BITCH SHOULD HAVE SAID NO! What the holy fuck?! She didn’t have to say yes. If she had a problem with him whoring and gambling it up in Vegas, she should have told him that before he left. And if he is whoring it up, is this really the dude she wants to be marrying?

This is not feminism. This is not “girl power”. This is dumb, spoiled bitches acting like dumb, spoiled bitches. Seriously, ladies. If you want your man to spend more time with you, tell him. You know what I do when I want Mr. Blue Collar to spend time with me? I go into whatever room he’s in and say, “Yo. Spend time with me.” And it works 100% of the time. Imagine that?! When Mr. Blue Collar gets a new video game or new movie that I’m not into, I shoot a text to my best friend and see if she wants to go out and go dancing and drinking (heavily). Or I read a book. Or get some shit done around the house. There are a number of things I can think of doing while he’s playing his game. None of them involve hitting his gaming system with a blunt object.

I’m not saying you should put up with it if it’s making you seriously unhappy. Not at all. If it really bothers you that your guy isn’t spending time with you, isn’t respecting how you feel about certain issues, or isn’t giving you what you need emotionally then you probably should ask yourself if this is the right person for you to be with right now.

I guess the point of this rant is that men are not mind readers. Instead of going all Mommy Dearest on a dude, try telling him what you want. And I don’t care how hot you are, crazy ain’t cute.




Dumbass of the Week: Continued

October 13, 2010

Apparently one DotW wasn’t good enough for ole Carl Paladimwit. Nope, he had to go and dig his grave a little deeper again today.

Sometimes, the stupidity and hypocrisy is too strong to ignore. So sit back, relax, grab your barf bag, and enjoy the ride!

Firstly, there’s this juicy bit of information(tip o’ the hat to Reverend Manny for posting this on FB).

The newspaper reported that a club named Cobalt operated as a gay bar in 2004 and most of 2005 and was run by Paladino’s son, William. It was housed in a building owned by one of Paladino’s many companies, Huron Group LLC, the newspaper said.

So, let me see if I’ve got this straight. You think gay people shouldn’t be allowed the basic civil right of pursuing their right to happiness. You think the LGBT community has some kind of “agenda” and you think they’re trying to “brainwash” our children. You’ve gone so far as to call them “disgusting“. And yet you have no problem giving them a space to carry on with their “grinding” while wearing speedos? You have no problem taking their money, you’d even hire gay people to work on the campaign. Right? So, you’d use them to get whatever it is you need from them, but continue to deny them the right to legally marry the people they love? Nice.That’s like going up to someone on the street and telling them you hate them because they’re obsessed with time, you hate everything they represent because they love time so much, they have a time agenda and shouldn’t be allowed to check the time… and then trying to sell them a fucking watch.

Anyway, I woke up this morning and the first thing I hear on the news is Paladumbass has issued an official apology regarding his hate-filled, anti-gay speech. I couldn’t wait to read this mess. Let’s go through it together, shall we?

I am Carl Paladino, a father, a husband, a builder and a business owner. I am neither perfect, nor a career politician. I have made mistakes in this campaign – I have made mistakes all my life – as we all have. I am what I am – a simple man who works hard, trusts others, and loves his family and fears for the future of our State.

He’s also a cheater, the father of a 10-year-old lovechild and liar. He sure as shit makes mistakes, just ask his wife. Off topic, but every time I hear someone say “I am what I am” I think this:

Moving along.

Yesterday I was handed a script. I redacted some contents that were unacceptable. I did also say some things for which I should have chosen better words. I said other things that the press misinterpreted and misstated. I sincerely apologize for any comment that may have offended the Gay and Lesbian Community or their family members. Any reference to branding an entire community based on a small representation of them is wrong.

Now he’s trying to pass the buck, claiming little responsibility for the crap he spewed. Fine, you didn’t write it. Did you read it? Did you look it over and say, “hell no, I’m not reading this”? No. You read the parts you agreed with, THAT’S what you did. I’d love to know exactly what was misstated or misinterpreted. Was it the part where he said that being gay wasn’t a viable option? Because that seemed pretty fucking clear to me.

My personal beliefs are:

1) I am a live and let live person.

Unless you want a civil union or to marry someone of the same gender. Or want the right to choose to have an abortion if you’ve been raped. In those cases, tough shit!

2) I am 100% against discrimination of any group. I oppose discrimination of any kind in housing, credit, insurance benefits or visitation.
He only wants to discriminate against your right to marry. DON’T GET IT TWISTED, BITCHES!
3) I am 100% against hate crimes in any form.


Well, that’s good to know. Drop your pitchforks, guys!

4) I am in support of civil agreements and equal rights for all citizens.

Except for, you know, when he’s not.

5) My position on marriage is based on my personal views. I have the same position on this issue as President Barrack (sic) Obama. I have previously stated I would support a referendum by New York voters. I have proposed Initiative and Referendum so New Yorkers can decide important issues like this.

“If Obama does it, it’s OK right?” This is the same shit he pulled when questioned about his affair. Pathetic and childish.
Also, if you want to be a political leader, you have to – in my opinion – be able to set aside your personal views. What one person believes is not what all people believe. If you don’t understand this basic principle, you should not be a political leader.
Thirdly, since when is it OK to allow “the people” to vote on whether or not to grant a group of people their constitutional rights?

6) The portrayal of me as anti-gay is inconsistent with my lifelong beliefs and actions and my prior history as an father, employer and friend to many in the gay and lesbian community.

O RLY? Well then, I’m sure all the gay friends and colleagues you’ve accumulated through the years will come running to your defense… any minute now… ::crickets:: His nephew, who is gay and works on the campaign, hasn’t shown up for work all week. His nephew even said, on the record, that he was offended by what Uncle Carl said. Psst, Carl, here’s a pro-tip: if the one gay person on your staff jumps ship after you’ve made a speech that was potentially offensive, chances are it was more offensive than you think.

I swear, it’s almost over.

I am concerned with the future for all our citizens, gay, straight, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish and Muslim and Agnostic…

Yeah, so fuck you Atheists, Hindus, Krishna, Pagans, etc.!

Although I am not perfect I do admit my mistakes. I will reach out to leaders of the gay community to educate me on how to better represent my support for the rights of all citizens. If elected as your governor I will stand and fight for all gay New Yorkers rights. I ask you for forgiveness on my poorly chosen words and the publication by others not involved with our campaign of unredacted script that did not reflect my oral statement or match my personal feelings. Please go to my website http://www.paladinoforthepeople.com to learn more detail about the issues including my staunch support for civil rights for all New Yorkers.

Carl Paladouchepacker Paladino

No one wants you to apologize for picking the wrong words. The words are not the problem. It’s the emotions and ideas behind the words that are the problem. I’m pretty sure your mind hasn’t changed since Sunday. The fact that you crossed out the most bigoted and offensive parts of the speech, but left in the parts you presumably agree with, proves that the words you used support your position on the issue of marriage equality. It further proves that you are NOT the right person to govern New York State. So, thanks but no thanks for that horribly written non-pology, Carl.


Please Help

October 13, 2010

A friend of a friend’s son is missing. His name is Michael “Mike” Chemerys and he is in his early 20s.

They live in Canada. Here is the FB page with info on who to call if you see or hear anything about Mike. Please, share the page on your FB if you have a profile. Let’s get this guy home to his family. Thanks!

UPDATE: Mike is back home with his family 🙂