***DISCLAIMER: DRINKING AND DRIVING IS FOR FUCKTARDED PEOPLE WITH NO REGARD FOR HUMAN LIFE. IF YOU WANT TO KILL YOURSELF, DO IT WITHOUT RISKING EVERYONE ELSE’S LIFE!***
I don’t know about you guys, but I’m having one of those days. You know the ones I’m talking about. Where nothing seems to be going right. It’s raining today, so we’re stuck in the house. And Lil Blue is a good boy, but he’s starting to get restless. The cats are being little pains in the ass. No matter how often I do them, there seems to always be a sink full of dishes. The floors always seem to be dirty, regardless of how often I clean them. The bills are getting a little out of control because of the cost of running the AC. I’m annoyed at people in general, a few in particular. I’m cranky cuz it’s hot. There is really only one remedy for such a day as this…
COCKTAILS! I am a fan of cocktails at home. For one thing, it’s cheaper(DAMN THE MAN, make that shit yo’self!). Also, when you’re entertaining it’s nice to be a bit fancy with your bartending skills.
No, I don’t mean this kind of tool. I mean the essentials of home bartending.
This is a double jigger. It’s used for measuring out the good stuff. If you’ve never tended bar, don’t eyeball your measurements. You’ll wind up shit faced in no time.
This is a shaker. As you can tell from the name, it’s used to shake up the good stuff. I like these 3 part ones because they have the strainer built right in.
This is a corkscrew. It is used to open wine. If you didn’t know that, leave. Leave now and don’t you dare look back.
You could get all kinds of fancy ass stuff like a zester or a muddler. You could spend a bunch of cash on a fancy corkscrew. But you really don’t need them. If you need the zest of a fruit, just use your veggie peeler. If you need to muddle something, I use a wooden spoon. If you can’t use a corkscrew for physical reasons, well, that’s different.
You should always have your favorite liquor on hand, whatever that may be. I prefer the magical nectar of life known as vodka. But you keep whatever you want in your house. I also think everyone should have a bottle of red and white wine on hand. You can use them in any number of cooking dishes, and it’s nice to have it for when a guest stops by for a chat and it’s too late in the day for coffee.
If you like to entertain a lot, you should also have this:
It’s sour mix, or sweet and sour mix. I’m sure there is a way to make it yourself, but i think this is the easiest way to go. And it’s not that expensive, usually around $5 a bottle. It’s great for all your “sour” drinks(whiskey, Midori). It’s also good in a lot of other drink recipes, like apple martini’s and Long Island Iced T’s.
THE GOOD SHIT:
Here are some really simple drink recipes for you. Try one or two(or 5) out tonight. Hey, it’s just about 5pm 😉
Sex on the Beach:
1 oz. vodka(try a flavored one as a nice twist)
1 oz. peach schnapps
Combine in shaker. Shake it like a Polaroid picture. Pour into glass with ice.
Long Island Iced Tea:
0.5 oz vodka
0.5 oz rum
0.5 oz gin
0.5 oz tequila
0.5 oz triple sec(orange liqueur)
dash sour mix
dash lime juice
Combine liquor and juices in shaker filled with ice. Shake it. Pour entire contents into tall glass. Top with cola. Don’t plan on going anywhere for a while.
1¼ oz. light rum(try a flavored one here as well, trust me!)
about 12 mint leaves
about 1 tsp sugar(more or less, to taste)
0.5 oz. lime juice
2 oz. soda(seltzer)
Put mint leaves, sugar and lime juice(I just through a couple of lime wedges right in) in the bottom of a glass. Add some crushed ice. Muddle. Add a more ice to fill glass. Pour in rum. Transfer to shaker. Shake your money-maker. Pour into original glass. Top with seltzer. Put a sprig of mint in for garnish.
I hope you’ll all join me as I raise my mojito glass, toasting the fact that I’ve survived another day on this beautiful rock.
*Side note: I used to bartend. If you have any questions about tips, tricks, or what-have-you, ask away.