My Heart Hurts

July 30, 2010

For those of you who haven’t already heard, the House rejected the 9/11 First Responders Bill. Needless to say I’m disgusted. Why did it fail? Because the Republicans didn’t like the “procedure” the Democrats were using to get it passed.

Now, I’ll try to explain it the best way I can. But remember, high school education here. Basically, the Democrats wanted to suspend the regular rules and ask for a high majority(2/3 vote) so that the Republicans couldn’t add certain amendments(like denying illegal immigrants who worked at ground zero access to money from the fund). Also, Republicans had a problem with the cost of the bill(7.4 billion). So instead of Republicans saying fuck it, it’s for a good cause, they almost unanimously voted no. 243 Democrats and 12 Republicans supported the measure; 155 Republicans and 4 Democrats voted nay.

Also, just to be clear, none of that money(as far as I know) was going anywhere except to pay for medical care and compensation for 9/11 first responders.

Where the fuck does the right get off? Really. How can you use 9/11 in every other way possible to get funding for your bullshit policies, but then when the people who were actually honest-to-goodness heroes on that day want a little money so that they don’t FUCKING DIE, you have the balls to say no?! You wanna complain about a mosque being built at ground zero(which is a GD lie), but you can’t be bothered to help the people who risked their lives to try to save so many others?!

I can’t begin to describe my anger. Luckily, I don’t have to. Enter Rep, Anthony Weiner(D N.Y.):

I couldn’t have said it any better myself. They ARE cowards. You can throw any excuse you want at the issue, it doesn’t change the fact that the GOP is NOT trying to help this country. They are trying to hold our country, our democracy, hostage during a fucking election year. They want you all to get selective amnesia. They want you to see that the Democrats haven’t been able to pass all of their measures, but forget the fact that THEY, the Republicans, are the reason why those measures have not passed.

And who suffers? Firstly, the people who responded and their loved ones. But really, in the end, we all do. Because what kind of country are we? What kind of PEOPLE are we, that we allow things like this to happen? As a society, we are only as strong as our weakest members… Makes us pretty fucking pathetic, don’t it?

My heart is broken…

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Potential Kitchen Disaster of the Day

July 29, 2010

*****DRINKING AND DRIVING MAKES YOU FUCKTARDED! YOU WANNA KILL YOURSELF, DO THAT SHIT ON YOUR OWN TIME*****

Wait…there’s a disclaimer on the top of this post. That can mean only one thing. Cocktail recipes! Woohoo!

I’m inspired to write this boozy post because I’m going somewhere awesome tomorrow. Where? Oh, just a book launch party! I know, fancy, right? I’ve never been to an anything launch party, and it’s for an amazing friend’s book, so I’m crazy excited about it. Plus, I get to get my drink on with friends both old and new. YAY!

Anyway, I’m just going to give you sexy mofos a few recipes you can work with this weekend. Go forth and get shit-faced. Just make sure your friends aren’t dicks and you look out for this guy.

Lemon Drop:

4 ounces fresh lemon juice
2 ounces vodka
1 teaspoon white sugar
ice
1 lemon, sliced
4 sprigs fresh mint

In a shaker, mix together lemon juice, vodka, sugar. Mix until sugar is dissolved. Pour into glass with ice and garnish with lemon and mint.

OR

In a shaker filled with ice, mix together lemon juice, vodka, sugar. Shake the hell out of it. Strain into a martini glass rimmed with sugar. Or as individual shots. It’s always good when the rim is lined with sugar, though. YUM! Also, try it with different flavors of vodka for an interesting twist.

Singapore Sling:

1 ounce gin
¼ ounce triple sec
orange juice
club soda
sour mix
grenadine

Fill a collins glass with ice. Add gin, then triple sec. Add equal parts OJ and soda. Putin a splash of sour mix. Drizzle some grenadine on top. Serve unmixed. Every time I have this drink I think of “The Shining” (line 24). Creeps me out and keeps me from having too many.

Malibu Bay Breeze:

1 ounce Malibu(or any coconut flavored rum)
pineapple juice
cranberry juice

Fill a glass with ice. Pour in rum. Fill with mostly pineapple juice. Add a heavy splash of cranberry juice. Stir and serve. I used to love this drink. But rum isn’t a very good friend of mine anymore 😦

White Chocolate Martini:

2 ounces Godiva(or any other) white chocolate liqueur
1 – 2 ounces Van Gogh Dutch chocolate flavored vodka
1 ounce grated chocolate for garnish

In a shaker filled with ice, pour in chocolate liqueur and vodka. Shake vigorously. Strain into chilled martini glass and sprinkle with grated chocolate. You could just as easily do a regular chocolate martini. But some people like the creaminess of this one(that’s what she said).

How To Chill a Glass Quickly:

If you don’t have glasses chilling in the freezer at all times(I know you do, you lush!) here’s what you do. Take the glass and fill it with ice. Then fill it with water. Let it sit while you mix the drink. Pour out the ice water and voilà, a chilled glass.

There you have it, my lovely lushes. A few recipes to serve to friends, or enjoy yourself. Be careful, though. You don’t want to end up like this alkie.

Enjoy biznotchezzz!


I Have a Nine Year Old…Holy Moly!

July 28, 2010

I’m not staying on the computer today. I know, shocking! What has caused this weird phenomenon? TODAY IS LIL BLUE’S BIRTHDAY! My baby is 9 years old today.

9 years ago today I was lying in a hospital bed. Freaking out because I’d just become a mom(I was 19)… Getting pissed at the nurse for treating me like an idiot(she asked if I’d “made kaka” yet)… Getting to know this new little person in my life. I remember him being so alert when he was born. And he was such a good baby. Never got sick, only cried when he was hungry or needed other baby type care. I remember in the mornings, when he got a bit older, he would just lay there. Staring at the shadows the sun was making on his walls. And when someone would go to get him, he’d give this big smile.

He loves science. He wants to be an astronaut and a paleontologist. I can’t wait to start introducing him to chemistry. I see much cleaning in my future.

Oh, he also want to be a bus driver. I mean, he is Lil Blue Collar after all 😉

He used to love for me to sing this song to him before bed…

:: sigh :: I still don’t want another one though


What the…? A.K.A Why I Hate The 94th Precinct

July 27, 2010

So, I’m sitting at my computer. It’s late morning/early afternoon. Someone rings my bell. Not the bell on my apartment door, the one downstairs. Normally I don’t answer the bell during the day because I’m home alone. But, Mr. Blue Collar is home on vacation(YAY!) and it might be UPS or something so I ring the bell.

Enter Big Crazy Polish Guy. He walks in and points to the apartments in the back on the first floor and says something in Polish. Now, though I live in a predominantly Polish neighborhood, I don’t speak the language. I know a few words. Even so, I don’t think I would’ve understood this guy if he was speaking English. Anyway, he has a bunch of hyacinths in his hand and is carrying a black duffel bag. He began knocking on the door of someone I knew wasn’t home.

Now, in the old days there wouldn’t have been much of a story. We would’ve thrown his ass out(rather roughly) and told him if he ever came back we’d break his head. But nowadays, you can’t do that sort of thing. His crazy ass would probably sue the crap out of us. Alas! We’ve become a society of litigious crazy folk. But I digress…

I tell the guy to leave in a loud and firm voice…nothing. I tell Mr. Blue Collar what’s going on and he tries to get the guy to leave. Nada. Just a steady stream of Polish. I think, at first, that he must be trying to explain himself. Either way, dude needs to get the fuck out. For all I know he’s unstable.

So, we call the cops. We try calling the local precinct first. The 94th Precinct. Might as well sit back and wait for divine intervention for all the good it’ll do you. They have an automated system now. “Press one for _____”. Ugh! So, we call 911. At least then we can talk to actual person and they can get someone from the precinct over here.

We call not once, not twice, but 3 GD times before anyone decides to show up. This is about a half an hour after the first call. Mr. Blue Collar is outside waiting for the cops. We have the door bolted and the chain on. Meanwhile, Mr. Crazy is walking up and down the stairs, still talking. Sometimes in a calm voice, other times yelling. I don’t know who he was arguing with, but I think he was losing. And whose door do you think he finally stops at? You got it. He decides he needs to have a heated debate with my decorative door hanging.

Finally, the cops show up. Now, we told them the guy is speaking Polish. Do you think they send a Polish-speaking officer? Of course not! That would make sense, and we can’t have that shit! I’m so angry and frustrated, I shout out the window, “If he were an axe-murderer we’d be fucking DEAD!” My new crazy best friend isn’t arrested. They just shoo him away. Wow, I feel much safer now. Phew!

It was obvious to me, a lowly Blue Collar Mamma with a high school education, that Mr. Crazy was crazy. Like, possibly emotionally or mentally disturbed. And the best that our heroes could do for him(and us) was shoo him down the block. Fantastic. Anyway, Mr. Blue Collar and I have decided that if something like that happens again, we’re just gonna go old school, force the guy out of the building, then call the cops. At least then I won’t have to worry about the safety of my door hanging.

(Seriously, it was scary. He didn’t seem like a friendly crazy. And I know everyone in my building. This guy wasn’t here to see any of them. He was really confused about where he was. It would’ve been sad if it wasn’t so freaky)


Potential Kitchen Disaster of the Day

July 26, 2010

Hey. You know what’s awesome? YOU’RE AWESOME! You know what else is awesome? It’s PKD time! Well, not really. But the first part was true, I swear!

A few days ago I promised your lovely asses a recipe for Triple Peanut Butter Cookies. Well, I don’t want you to think I’m a liar. So here it is:

Ingredients:

* 1¼ cups packed light brown sugar
* 1 cup all-natural peanut butter
(creamy or chunky)
* 2 large eggs
* 1 cup low-fat peanut flour
* ¼ cup chopped roasted peanuts
* 1 teaspoon baking soda
* 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
* 1/8 teaspoon salt

I’ve never seen peanut flour before in a recipe. I’ve never used it and have no idea how much it costs. I do know it’s a good substitute for people who have Celiac Disease. Anyway, here’s the rest:

Preheat the oven to 350. In a medium bowl, beat together brown sugar and peanut butter with a wooden spoon. Beat in 1 egg at a time, mixing well after each addition. Mix in peanut flour, peanuts, baking soda, vanilla and salt.

Roll dough into 1½-inch balls(giggle). Place balls two inches apart on a cookie or baking sheet lined with parchment paper or foil. Use a fork to make criss-cross marks on tops of cookies and to flatten to about ½-inch thickness. Bake 10 minutes or until cookies are just set. Transfer cookies (still on parchment or foil) to a wire rack; cool completely. (Cookies will firm up upon baking.)

Optional add-ins: If desired, stir ½ cup semisweet or bittersweet chocolate chips, and/or golden raisins or dried cranberries into the dough.

Now, unless you’re like this guy, you’re going to have to find a way to chop your nuts(oh! the jokes). If you try to chop them with a knife(sorry dudes) you’re going to get pretty frustrated(oh lordy). Those nuts don’t want to be chopped! Here’s what ya do. Put the nuts in a sack(HAHAHA!). No, really. Put them in a dish cloth or something like that and close the ends in one hand. With the other hand, crush those nuts! Use your kitchen mallet or a hammer and show those nuts you mean BUSINESS! Just imagine them as belonging to one of these douches. I assure you, it’s easier(and more fun) that way.

YOU’RE GONNA LOVE MY NUTS 😀

Enjoy biznotchezzz


Potential Kitchen Disaster of the Day

July 25, 2010

Look! Up on the screen. It’s a turd. It’s a lamebrain. No! It’s a PKDotD!! HOORAY!

Today’s recipe is short and simple. It’s the cake we gave Lil Blue for his birthday celebration yesterday. His actual birthday isn’t for a couple of days. We decided to try to celebrate it yesterday. HA! The only person that was able to make it was my best friend. It was still fun though. It was a good lesson for him, too. Sometimes, you have to make your own fun.

Anyway, the recipe today is Boston Cream Pie

As you can see, Boston Cream Pies are not pies at all. This is just another LIE forced on us by THE MAN! Don’t believe the hype! WAKE UP, SHEEPLE!! According to the interwebs, it was called a pie because the first ones were made in pie tins because pie tins were more common at the time. Whatever. It’s a goddamn cake. Get over it and lets move on.

Boston Cream Pie is made from a basic yellow cake that is filled with a custard-cream type mixture and covered with a chocolate ganache. I’m going to suggest here that you use cake mix from a box. If you don’t want to you don’t have to, but I usually do. I find homemade cakes to be too dry for me.

Anyway, make the cake following the directions for 2 9″ cake pans. Don’t you dare use pie tins! Bake those bad mamajammas and let them cool. If you need to make them level, use a serrated knife and show those cakes who’s boss. You could even split the 2 layers into 4 if you wanted to. It’d look all fancy and shit.

Filling for Boston Cream Pie:
* 2 cups milk
* 1/2 cup sugar
* 4 large egg yolks
* 2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
* Pinch of salt
* 3 tablespoons cornstarch

1. In a medium saucepan, combine milk and 1/4 cup sugar over medium heat, and bring to a simmer. Meanwhile, in a medium bowl, whisk egg yolks and remaining sugar until well combined. Whisk in vanilla and salt. Whisk in cornstarch, 1 tablespoon at a time, until fully incorporated. While whisking egg mixture constantly, slowly add 1 cup of the heated milk to the egg mixture. Strain this mixture into milk remaining in saucepan. Continue cooking over medium heat, whisking constantly, until mixture comes to a full boil, 4 to 6 minutes.

2. Transfer to a medium bowl, and cover with plastic wrap, pressing wrap against the filling to prevent a skin from forming. Refrigerate until at least 3 hours and up to overnight. You can refrigerate the cake as well. Makes it a little easier to work with.

Chocolate Ganache Icing:
* 1 1/2 cups heavy cream
* 3 cups mini semi sweet chocolate chips

1. Over low heat, scald the heavy cream.
2. Add the mini chocolate chips, and whisk to melt.
3. Let cool at room temperature long enough to spoon or drizzle.
4. Chill to spread. The chocolate ganache will firm up the cooler it becomes.

To scald means to heat the heavy cream til it’s just below its boiling point. You want to keep a close eye on it. Just when the surface starts to get a little ripply and slightly bubbly, that’s when it’s scalded.

Assembly:
Put your first layer of cake on the bottom, cut side up, on whatever you are serving on. Spread as much of the custard top as you can without it oozing out the sides(ha!). Place the other layer of cake on top of that and press down slightly. If you see that the custard is beginning to get soft(double ha!) you can refrigerate it for about an hour to get it to set up again. Spoon the ganache on top of the cake. If you want it to ooze down the sides(it’s enough already) make sure the ganache is on the warm side. If you want a neater appearance, chill the ganache for a bit and spread with a spatula. Let entire cake chill in the fridge for about 1 – 2 hours before serving.

That’s it. I’ll be honest, we bought Lil Blue’s cake. It was 100 degrees here yesterday. I was not about to turn on the oven. But when cooler weather comes, you better believe I’ll be making this. Maybe I’ll do a cupcake version. MMmmm!

Enjoy biznotchezzz!


¡Ay, Mamacita!

July 24, 2010

Today is a very special day. It’s MY Blue Collar Mamma’s birthday! So this post is dedicated to my mommy(yes I still call her that, don’t you judge me!), who I love very much.

Like every mother-daughter relationship, my mom and I don’t always see eye to eye on things. That’s normal and natural. But I think our differences make our similarities that much more…well, precious is the only word I can think of to describe them. My strength, my compassion, my sense of independence, all the good things about me I learned from my mother. She taught me to respect myself. She taught me to rely on myself. She taught me how to laugh at myself – probably one of the most important lessons in life.

She also gave me a treasured gift. A love for classic rock! Especially Janis Joplin. I think second to that would be Creedence Clearwater Revival. Below are 2 songs that always make me think of my mommy.

So, if you’re reading this, Happy Birthday Mommy! I love you and miss you. I wish I could be with you to celebrate. I hope you have a great day, full of love and relaxation.